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Wednesday, March 22, 2006


The same thoughts (identity crisis), the same place (MS Word), a different stimulus (Alexander the Great).

*Chuckle* It's really quite hilarious.

Imagine that around every 15 posts or so, I try to write a post about identity. Most of these unfortunate posts either end up lost in the bits and bytes of my recycle bin, while others float aimlessly in my drafts. Either way, I always decide to stop before the empty canvas of MS Word starts to solidify.

Reasons, reasons. Reasons are many, some of which I know of, others of which I don't. I know that I'm one of the most opinionated humans in the world, but believe it or not, my biggest issue with myself is my complete unawareness of my own feelings and their causes. But yeah, typically for one who is willing to Wikipedia her ass off to make sure that she has an opinion about everything that she may possibly be asked about, I can think of a few reasons for the lost words, at least the reasons that are floating in my head rather than in my heart.

Well, Reason One is social taboo. In our 'fantastic' society, identity is an issue of great taboo, and in order to lay things objectively on the table and break the issue apart, dozens and dozens of other issues need to find a place on the same table. Otherwise, there's the much increased risk of being misunderstood. But the table is small. It fits one issue at a time. Reason Two is more personal and much harder for me to discuss- I still haven’t come to terms with how I feel towards my identity. Often, I find myself completely comfortable with a certain issue in one instance, all the while being aware that it may easily revert to becoming intolerable in a different one. Which sucks.

And see? I already have too many paragraphs and I still didn’t even start talking about the issue.

Another saved draft? More bytes in the recycle bin?

March 11th, 2006.

JU 159

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