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Thursday, January 19, 2006

Top 10 reasons no one reads your blog

I first started blogging for myself- I needed a space to sort of "save" things that inspired me and jot down random notes about various designs and products that I thought could be useful for inspiration later on. As a Jordanian blogging community developed, my blogging style changed and became more personal- instead of just "reblogging" various designs, I started commenting on them (thus earning myself various reputations such being "all about colors", "imphalsapheh", and "control freak"). The community kept growing, and like any trend, blogging started to attract people because it sort of became "cool".

Anyway... while doing my regular blog-surfing, I came upon a list compiled by the dudes at Gaping Void entitled "Top 10 Reasons No One Reads Your Blog"- inspired by it, I will share some of their reasons as well as add a dose of my Jordan-centric usual imphalsaph commentry.

I will even go on and risk being called a biatch by dedicating this list to some of the recent submittals to Jordan Planet(and this is where Isam and Iyas shoot me).
Take it with a grain of salt.

1. You've only been blogging for a week. Heck, even a month.
This is a huge turn off. Work on your blog. Perfect it. Love it. Make it you.
Then share it.
(bonus link: it less than a blink to judge online content, so make it good!)

2. You have nothing to say!
I believe that this is rule numero uno when it comes to blogging (and a lot of other stuff but let's stick to the point, shall we?). Dude, blogging is all about saying- if you're blogging to be a part of community, it's not really blogging is it?
I get really annoyed when people ask questions such as "What should I blog about?" or alternatively complain about lack of inspiration. Blogging is a frenzy- it is not a perfectly calculated and painstakingly edited have-to-be-published-everyday newspaper. Do it because you feel like it, otherwise it feels forced out, and that is baaaad.
My advice to you, if you don't have anything to say, spare us the pictures of cute babies, the terribly photoshopped junk you found on "Worth 1000", and content off forwards I recieved back in '98 (dude, forwards are so Web 0.1, get over it).

3. There's nothing in it for them.
One of the reasons that got me into blogging is because I felt like it was personally enriching, and you seriously don't need to be a nuclear physist who's writing about how to dismantle an atomic bomb to be enriching.
One of my favorite blogs ever is "Dooce", whose favorite topics(as you can see from her categories) include "Poop", "Boobs", and "Sleep", yet Heather writes so darn beautifully and cunningly that I hang on to every single sentence she writes in an obsessive compulsive way. Her writing style enriches my own and makes me going back for more.

4. "Passion & Authority" are just buzzwords to you.

5. You're not a good-looking female who likes posting naked pictures of herself. Can't overemphasize that one enough ;)

6. U rite like an annoyin' 13 year old boy who just reached puberty. Ya I am serius this pisses me off like krazy. U cant spell for shit u cant expres urslf bi negleh and u have never heard of punctaytion. it is not kewl 2 not know how to spell, kid, use ur spell chicker. it is not kewl 2 replace "are" with "r", "you" with "u", and "too" with "2". for the love of god, c's are round and pretty, ditch the k's.
also, pleeze dont go overexited and add tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo many leters2make a point or use toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo many colors 2 spice things up. Less is more.
finally, pleeze go ez on the use of emoticons and smiley faces- they belong in the 70's when LCD's made everything look pritty and shit.
oh, ya, i cant help but add that a sentence never starts with "am" (am so sorry, am so happy, am so annoyed), there's always a nice long "I" before the "am".

Such an annoying way of writing is a mockery to intelligence.

7. You're not Jameed.
Jameed is funny. You are not. Get over it.

8. You think Comic Sans is cool. Go to hell.

9. You whine about traffic. That's the biggest no-no. Remember, you don't blog for traffic, you blog for blogging. See points number 1, 2, and 3.

10. Although I can think of a few more reasons, I'd like you guys to tell me what you think number 10 should be. What keeps you coming back? What turns you off a blog? I'd hate to be the only imphalsapheh person around.

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